SIXTEEN

All of a sudden I was privy to all sorts of hidden information. I began to feel sorry for those who had to enter a trance state, or hold a séance, or interpret tea leaves, read palms or do 'readings'. ‘Angels’ were at my beck and call 24/7 to answer any question, no matter how trivial or asinine. Only weeks earlier at a psychic fair in Grants Pass, I'd purchased a reading for our son Shaya that was so vague and generic, but now we knew that he had an 'old soul' having had many incarnations, and we had details on some of them. As for me, I was a gangster in Chicago in my former life, and even before I was human my first incarnation was as a bug! I was given the date for my future birth date in England, some time in the 21^st century. My friend Marty had loaned me a considerable sum of money that I was having trouble paying back. I found out that this was karma because I’d loaned him money that was not repaid...in ancient Rome!

One of the first things I inquired about was life on other planets. It was revealed that there was indeed life, but only non-corporeal life on the planets in our galaxy. In particular, Mars was home to many spirits that were suffering there; the ‘guides’ shuddered even to speak of it.

And they said I would soon make love to our former babysitter, now a 20 year old beauty. You mean, you angels are OK with me doing that, I asked? No, they replied, we advise you not to do it, but we can see that you won’t obey us and will do it anyway. Subsequently, this young lady and I did spend an enjoyable evening together that included a stroll through the park. We sat down in one of those old barrels that spin around while one tries to keep their balance. Suddenly a policeman shined a flashlight at us to see what was going on, but nothing was. I told her that my guardian angels forbid me to make love to her but I was destined to disobey them. She politely told me to obey them. The barrel was removed from the park shortly afterwards. Maybe homeless people had begun sleeping in it, or perhaps lovers attempting to reach new heights while spinning upside-down.

How did I come to deserve this wonderful gift of speaking to 'angels'? Was I an exalted being of some sort myself, in an advanced state spiritually speaking, I asked them. Hardly, was their reply; rather in a backward state sorely in need of enlightenment. But they were there to assist me. I needed to take them seriously if I was to get anywhere. When I inquired about the spiritual significance of eating meat and killing ants and mosquitoes, they firmly warned me to consider my own soul and not to be sidetracked by trivial issues. Timu especially scolded me, writing pages about how I needed to have the correct attitude and obey him in all things. I was not to look upon the gift of automatic writing as a novelty; rather I was soon to be used to accomplish a great project. How my heart swelled with pride when this was revealed to me. Ever since reading the books of Richard Bach, beginning with Jonathan Livingston Seagull, I desired to have a book 'channeled' through me. I hoped that this was what Timu had alluded to.

I may have been a lazy hippie, but still had dreams of becoming rich and famous; I assumed I’d accomplish this through my music, although my cousin Larry warned me that it wouldn’t happen unless I moved to Los Angeles, and that I needed to do that while I was still young. At almost 40 years old, while perhaps mid to late 20’s in appearance, I was certainly over-the-hill to be a star in L.A. Larry suggested writing songs for others, but I couldn’t imagine doing that. But here was a new angle; if Bach could sell a million books, then so could I. With great anticipation, I waited to hear of the guides' new project involving me.

With some fanfare, Timu solemnly announced that he was now going to step aside, and another, much higher spirit being would take over the channeling process. “My name is Wotan”, he wrote, “The Christ, the creator of all things”. Do you mean the creator of the universe, as in G-d, I asked? “Yes!”, he replied, as I began to tremble; “I will write a book through you to teach love and peace to the world, and also to warn of the coming cataclysm’s”. But I had to be willing to concentrate and obey him in all things, he said; and he would teach me to write faster so that the book could be accomplished quickly. I had heard of “The Christ” before, an entity that spoke through a quite famous channeler in Australia, and wondered if this was the same one.

I’d never before heard the name Wotan, but upon doing a little research found it to be a name of Norse deity, also known as Odin. Personally, it sounded a little like 'Satan' to me, and I was uneasy about this, and questioned the entity further. “There is an entity known as Satan, but I am not him. He is a very misunderstood being and not evil as depicted in Earth mythology. You are not to be concerned about him.” Allow me, dear reader, to state at this point that I’m quoting these entities to the best of my memory, but please do not take these quotes to be word-for-word. I no longer have my channeling notebooks, nor the book that was dictated to me. This means that I have no proof at all that any of this actually took place, other than the many eye-witnesses, friends and family that observed it happening.

Nor do I remember the content of most of the book’s hundred or so pages. Much of it was a confirmation of the things I’d already come to believe at this point of my life; the human race was seeded by aliens, the magnetic poles would shift and parts of the United States would go underwater (a la Edgar Cayce), Mu and Atlantis were ancient continents that would rise again, and an age of Aquarius was forthcoming. Some of the things I was told were new 'revelations' and I sometimes wish that I hadn’t destroyed it all, because it would have at least provided a laugh. But I suppose someone might have found it and published it and further led people astray. I inquired as to whether, based on all this information, I ought to start a new religion! But ‘The Christ’ said no; there were enough religions in the world already.

One of the book’s themes was that of universal love. I suppose it was this that kept me going even when I had doubts that it was all on the level. I knew that there was evil in the world, and was skeptical that Satan was a good spirit as Wotan had said. I was also skeptical that he seemed to affirm most of the things that I already believed. Sometimes it seemed that I would be thinking about a subject and then he’d bring it up. In fact, the entities were able to read my mind. At first, I’d ask a question out loud, later not quite so loud. But eventually I’d only need to think a question and concentrate on it and they’d give an answer. After getting saved a couple of years later, I remember hearing a radio program in which a Bible answer-type person stated that demons could not hear our thoughts. Perhaps they cannot hear the thoughts of a saved person, but in my unsaved state, this is exactly how we communicated. The stress on the subject of love, although I was surely not a ‘people person’ myself, kept me believing in the spirits.

Still, several days after beginning the book, I woke up with a case of unbelief. Too much of my time was being taken up with this project and it seemed like more of an illness than a gift. Why would they choose me to write such an important book when I didn’t even love my neighbor? In fact, my next-door neighbor was some Jesus freak that kept inviting me to Bible studies. (Today he’s the pastor of one of the two churches my family attends!) I wasn’t quite sure about this Wotan character and his claims to deity, although I knew for certain that my neighbor was out-to-lunch. So, I quit. Wotan threatened that he was unlikely to resume contact with me, and even our ‘angels’ reiterated that I’d indeed be giving it all up, and ought to reconsider. I spent the next couple of days thinking about the pros & cons of my decision. I had a history of saying no to things that were good for me. I went from ego-tripping new age hot-shot (in my own eyes) to just an average schlub in one day. I would have to decide if merchandise offered to me was stolen or not without angelic assistance now. Questions popped up in my head that I’d forgotten to ask, about past lives or whatever. Maybe I’d been too hasty. I figured that Timu wouldn’t speak to me, so I sat down pen-in-hand and asked for Hojk. Nothing; the pen wouldn’t move.

Another long day or two went by before I was greeted with “good morning” in my notebook. I’d be given one more chance. Dictation of the book resumed once I agreed to be available at his whim. Whenever any of the guides wished to communicate, I’d feel a tingling in a particular part of my head. Happy to once again be part of this 'important work', I submitted to “The Christ’s” authority. I tried to read all the new revelations aloud to my wife, but she had apparently lost any interest by this time.

Our relationship was definitely on the rocks. We were going through the motions as parents, but were rarely intimate. We each thought seriously of ending our marriage, but there was our son to consider; it wouldn’t be fair to him. And how could we each afford our own apartment? These matters came to a head during one of my dad’s visits to the west coast. By now, my sister Suzie had moved to Ashland and he could visit us both in one plane trip.

Suzie’s life had taken some strange twists and turns since leaving New York. Briefly, she’d married too young and after a couple of years, with her young daughter, had sought refuge in my company (a mistake, sadly) and then in Southern California where a friend of hers had moved. Drugs and violence each reared their ugly heads, but after a spiritual experience of her own she called me at work to announce that she’d been born again. I spent close to an hour trying to talk her out of it, explaining that Jesus had nothing to do with us Jews and whatever else I could think of. To this day she says that nothing I told her even cracked a dent in what she then, but no longer, believed. I suppose she failed to completely follow through on this new commitment to Christ, and a couple of years later was back in a dangerous lifestyle and looking for sanctuary. Not wanting to go back to New York where her ex’s family was still looking for her and my niece, regularly harassing our Grandma Rose for information, she accepted our invitation to move in with us.

All we asked of her was to not use any drugs, for her own sake; after all I’d become fond of coke and could certainly not be judgmental. But the day after her arrival, the ‘guides’ told me that she’d brought speed with her and was high on it at that very moment. I rushed home and confronted her, but she adamantly denied it. Years later, though, she asked me how I knew that she was indeed stoned that day. Suzie could probably write her own book if she ever chose to, about how she lifted herself up from the gutter, worked her way through college, and today is happily married and successful. I’m so proud of her, but with one caveat; having rejected the follies of her youth, she also included faith in Jesus. However, Jesus did promise that He would lose none of those the Father has given to Him, and so I believe with faith that this, too, will someday be accomplished.

Upon my Dad’s visit in the winter of early 1988, I was anxious to show him my latest 'thing', being able to channel spirits. On his visit to Guerneville in the mid 70’s, during my ‘marijuana years’, I’d taught him how to smoke pot. Then when we were all stoned, I played an old reel-to-reel tape of my mother, sister and I singing “Stormy Weather” back in the happier days. I thought we’d laugh, but we all cried. But channeling should impress him, I thought. I asked Itz who he’d like to contact; anyone you want, I offered. We began with his grandmother, after whom I’m named. He asked a few questions, but seemed uncomfortable and unconvinced. So I moved along to the ‘holy grail’, my mom. I’d spoken with her via automatic writing previously. I was convinced that it was her spirit; she was so loving and just as I remembered her. It strengthened my oft-times faltering belief in my ‘guides’ and their boss, Wotan.

Hojk began to write, saying that my mother was unavailable as she was in the process of reincarnation. When we inquired further, he said that Diana would give birth to her in about eight months or so! That certainly changed the tone of that evening. There was no evidence of her being pregnant and neither of us could even remember making love, with the state our marriage was in. But I was amazed and elated to imagine that she might give birth to my mom! Reality check: if the ‘guides’ had produced ‘my mom’, my father could have asked some tricky questions and possibly exposed it all as a fraud. But demons can be shrewd.

Diana immediately bought a test kit. To our shock and surprise, it was positive. Now, what? In the middle of our rebellion against G-d, especially on my behalf, has G-d really decided that our having a baby would be the correct course of action? Abortion was quickly ruled out for several reasons, not the least of which being the possibility that our child would be the reincarnation of my saintly mother. It would be quite a lifestyle change for Diana and I. At the time I was already involved with another woman. Yet G-d in His mercy had not yet completely given me up to my sins. Even at this point, steeped in adulteries, wizardries, and drugs, G-d amazingly had a plan for my family and was determined to implement it.

Somehow, Diana found the strength to stay with me through this period of time that was much worse than I’ve hinted at, but propriety will not allow further embellishment of. We were going to have a baby girl, according to the guides and we grit our teeth and drew as close to each other as possible under the circumstances. I found an article that explained how monogamous couples had much better relationships because they could achieve closeness impossible with multiple partners. I was willing to try this and, surprise it turned out to be true. Still, it would take years before Diana felt like a ‘wife’ again towards me. I was forbidden to use the word 'wife', in fact. But for the sake of our children, we’d stay connected as partners of a sort.