THIRTEEN

My most interesting friend has got to be Franklin, several years older than me, a Jewish kid from a completely secular home a few neighborhoods from mine. We liked a lot of the same music and we had similar philosophies about women and about life. He’d also grown up around Times Square Records, and passed the written test I gave to hopeful employees at the Brooklyn record distributor with flying colors. His father was an architect and inventor, and he took up with some of that as well. Although I often copied the fun things that Phil did, such as wearing two different colored socks, Franklin’s influence on me was more profound. Shortly after meeting him, I became a vegetarian and quit wearing underpants. I quickly regressed on the latter item (ouch!), but remained meat-free for over a decade under Franklin’s influence.

His spiritual 'awakening' occurred at about the age of 20 while stoned on morning glory seeds. Sitting in yogic position in a field of the things, he believes that the universe revealed its mysteries to him as well as his purpose in it. While remaining what I would call a New Age leader, or at least adherent ever since, he always felt his revelation was uniquely his and would share details of it only if pressed. Any time either of us was into some new facet of the so called ‘new’ age, we would discuss it and typically I wanted to do whatever he did, back then anyway. I’d wanted to share his girlfriend, too, if given the chance.

His version of open relationships was more communal than mine. He believed that if another person (but more accurately another woman) wanted to ‘join his family’, that would be great as long as everyone loved everyone else. It made a kind of hippie sense in theory, but was rather tricky in practice. Of course in my fantasy version of it, love wouldn’t necessarily have to be part of it, just 'making love'. But that never worked either. Franklin was, and remains to this day, quite the charismatic individual. He never began or really led any significant New Age movements because, he says, he recognized how powerful and persuasive he was, and truly did not want to be responsible for leading anyone to a place where they could be hurt or taken advantage of. But if anyone had the potential to be a guru, it was he. And for a while he was my guru, as well as my friend. While we’ve long ago parted spiritually, he remains in my mind an example of a type of Christian love. While I still struggle with the simplest teachings of my faith, to love G-d completely and my neighbor as myself, Franklin has never struggled with loving others. He’d make a great Christian and I pray that he will someday.

I remember the day I’d read in some book that all of us were actually little g-ds, and all of us together were G-d. I spent quite a bit of time trying to convince Franklin that he and I were g-ds. He wouldn’t buy it at the time but I think he might believe a version of that now. Most of the time, revelations passed from him to me rather than the other way around. He was, after all, my older and wiser brother. My introduction to spirit channeling was probably at his house. He had done a session with a person who channeled a spirit known as Jubal (typically, demons choose Bible names; Jubal was the inventor of the harp and the flute in Genesis 4:21) and allowed me to hear the audio tape. Much of the information was obscure, and there was a weird sound on the entire tape that couldn’t be accounted for. But it was the idea that information could be retrieved in this fashion from the spirit world that fascinated me.

Two events shortly followed to edge me closer to my own channeling experiences. The first was a free health diagnosis at the Oregon Country Fair. A fellow hippie-type would touch different parts of my body with a finger on one hand, while holding a pendulum in his other hand. He touched the area around my kidneys, liver, heart, etc. and the pendulum, a metal cord with a crystal attached, would begin to spin either to the left or right. “Your kidneys are afflicted, he said, and your liver is out”, comprised his report. What did he mean by my liver was out? What could I do? He prescribed a certain diet for me, forbidding alcohol. I couldn’t imagine a stricter diet than the vegetarian one I was already on, but I thanked him and moved along to the foot-washing booth.

The other was finding the book Seth Speaks by Jane Roberts, made up of conversations with a supposedly benevolent other-worldly 'entity', again with a Bible name (Seth was a son of Adam & Eve’s, an ancestor of Jesus). This became my new 'bible', although I’d still never read the 'old' Holy Bible. I augmented this text with Ruth Montgomery’s books, in which she contacted spirits by typewriter. Let it not be said that G-d fails to send intercessors into the lives of sinners such as myself. At this time, Diana and I had moved to a larger store with a proper apartment behind it. Conveniently, it was directly across the street from my favorite watering hole, Don’s Beachcomber, and the Ramblin’ Rex band was appearing there. 

    The afternoon before the performance, Rex wandered across the street and noticed the Jane Roberts’ book lying on my counter. Before I could begin to brag to him about it, he said, “that’s of the Devil, you know”. “Open it to the middle and look at those pictures of her,” he continued. I was already somewhat uncomfortable with those and usually avoided viewing the snapshots of Ms. Roberts during her channeling sessions, showing her face all contorted. “That’s Satan, Rex declared, thumping his finger on the book, “can’t you see that?” I nervously replied that I didn’t believe in devils or elves or anything like that. 

    So, Rex really was a Christian like others had told me. We’d sort of become friends over the years and I loved him as such, but hadn’t seen this side of him before. I decided to humor him for the moment, but the book remained my guidebook for then. “Do what you want with this book, but I’d throw it in the garbage. OK, you’ve been warned”, he finished.

    At about the same time, however, feeling a longing to know what life was really all about, I began to investigate the Jewish faith. I was now in a more committed relationship with Diana and I’d never really given Judaism much of a chance before. I recalled the Rolling Stone article I’d glanced at a couple of years earlier, and wished I’d actually read it. I decided to look for that back issue, although I didn’t remember the date or who was on the cover. In Eugene, I entered a used book store only to be told that it was closing in five minutes. I asked to be directed to their used magazines, particularly Rolling Stone. There was a huge stack of them, and only moments before closing time. I instinctively yanked out the very bottom one; it was the one! Could this be a sign? I thought so. 

    This time I read the entire article.I began amassing a library of volumes, and studied Torah, history, kabbalah and more. I was still curious about who Jesus was, but still hostile towards Christianity. As soon as I’d moved in with Diana, and noticed that she received a church bulletin in the mail, I took it upon myself to contact that church. I told them that we weren’t interested in their propaganda and to take Diana off their list. The pastor wrote back to Diana and asked where he had failed her. Diana had been saved at a Christian teen camp. but there had been no follow up of any kind. She didn’t put up a fight when I broke her last link to the church in this manner. After studying the history of the Jews, especially our treatment at the hands of Christians, I became convinced that the Church was the mortal enemy of the Jews and had been so for almost 2000 years.

    Another area of interest for me was the dream state. Dreams hold a fascination for most of us, I assume, and in my case vivid ones such as the one with the stars as a child caused me to seek out enlightenment while asleep. Most books about dreams back then were pure hokum about getting rich or some such thing and belonged to fortune-telling rather than science. But new books appeared with sensible explanations, for instance teaching that most of the people in our dreams are simply facets of ourselves, and that the meaning of dream symbols depended on what those things meant uniquely to the dreamer rather than some universal definition. The field of 'lucid' dreaming began to be popularized, wherein if one became aware that they were dreaming, knowledge could be pursued. In my case, if I realized that I was dreaming, it was sex that would be on my mind. For example in one dream I was standing in line alone to be seated in a restaurant. Behind me in line were a beautiful woman and her date, a tall, athletic lug of a man. I didn’t want him to catch me peeking at his woman. But then, realizing I was only dreaming, I turned around and started kissing her. In a few seconds I awoke, but I’d sure enjoyed that dream!

    In Florence, I began training myself to wake up after every dream and writing them down for later study. There were some creepy dreams, however. In one I was given a box containing the name of someone I knew that was going to die shortly. At the climax of the dream, accompanied by scary music and chills down my back, I opened the box and there was a black leaf in it. I took this to mean that it was I that would die. Another dream was more specific; while playing pinball, a rabbi approached me and said that he brought bad news. I would die in six months. The dream turned lucid', and I asked the holy man, “is there anything I can do to change, to avoid this fate?” But there was nothing; I’d be dead in six months, he reiterated.

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Wedding Day, I was 30, Diana was in her 20's

    When Diana became pregnant I began to push for her conversion so that our child would be born Jewish. We were vegetarians at the time, so a kosher diet was no problem, and we began keeping the Sabbath as much as possible. I can tell you that on those Sabbaths when we truly shut out the world and spent time meditating on G-d and His Word, the peace we felt was phenomenal. A few problems quickly arose, however. In that small town where many kids weren’t allowed on our block, and where the economy was precarious, with mills closing down and gas prices rising, it became financially impossible to close up on Saturdays, the only busy day of the week. Accepting that G-d did not want us to starve, and now being willing to 'strike a match' (so to speak)on shabbes, we began driving into Eugene on Friday evenings to attend synagogue. Although it was a reformed shul with a conservative attitude, I learned a lot there, including Jewish liturgy, songs and customs, and enjoyed meeting other Jews (there were none in Florence, except one sweet woman who kept her Jewishness secret, having escaped from the Nazis as a child).

    My Grandma Rose was thrilled that Diana was converting, even more so when G-d blessed us with a son, whom we named after her late husband. Shaya was born during the coldest winter we ever experienced on the Oregon coast. The baseboard heater, a portable electric heater, and even the open electric stove, together could not warm the tiny apartment. If you’re from Chicago or Minneapolis you’ll laugh at my saying that the mercury went as low as nine degrees outside. But in Florence, where winter temperatures are typically 40’s & 50’s, we were scared. We had been married in that apartment behind the store, on a beautiful October day. The rabbi drove over from the valley, and four men held a blanket over us, a makeshift chupah. My dad flew in from New York and greeted the guests, urging each man to don a Jewish skullcap, or yarmulke. The only thing missing was a glass for me to stomp on and break in the tradition. Someone ran across the street to the bar and they gladly provided one. Diana had completed her conversion days earlier in Portland at an Orthodox mikvah (baptism) ritual. When she emerged from the water the rabbi declared, “you now have a Jewish soul”. I broke my strict diet at the wedding, eating bagels and lox and I loved it. It was six months exactly after my dream that I would die in six months. I’ll let a shrink work that one out.

                                                                  Shaya's first Purim

                                                        Fourth night of Hanukkah (c.1987)

Family photo 1979

    Judaism did not answer all my burning questions, but Seth came mighty close. He even revealed who Jesus was; an enlightened individual but no more so than any of us could hope to become. I believed that Seth’s knowledge, since it came from 'the beyond', had to be right. I felt that we were living in a privileged age when this knowledge was finally being imparted to humankind, by 'entities' such as Seth, and also by alien travelers. So why was I continuing to have such creepy dreams? In one that particularly startled me awake, I saw a boxing ring, but it looked like an animal pen. There was a creature in it, red, with horns, half-man, half-goat, with a large erection. The next thing I knew, I was in the pen with him; he attacked and as I awoke, I could feel him penetrate me with great pain.